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Living Someone Else's Life

‘Living someone else’s life’ is a bit of a strange concept.

I mean, clearly you are very much ‘you’, very much living your own life.

It’s your body, your mind, your routines, your life.

And yet…

I meet so many people whose lives are based around other people’s opinions.

Based on what they ‘think’ is the ‘right’ thing to do. Almost always without realising it.

Let’s add some meat to the bones of this with some questions:

  • Do you live where you do because it’s a socially acceptable place to be in some way?

  • Do you dress like you do based on what other people wear, or have said to you in the past?

  • Do you like the fact that your job is a ‘socially acceptable’ job to have?

  • Are the hobbies you have ones you absolutely love, or are they ones that you kind of fell into?

  • How about the music you listen to, the places you go on holiday, the TV programmes you watch - how often do you consider what others might think of your choices?

You may say that you aren’t influenced by others’ opinions at all. Perhaps you’re a free spirit, or extremely comfortable in your own skin.

Or perhaps you might be deceiving yourself slightly. I know I have done and still do to this day.

It’s not a terrible thing per se. You can be influenced by others in a really positive way.

The issue is when you get to the point where you realise that a huge amount of your life has been set up based on other people’s opinions and their plans for you. You:

Went to university, got your qualifications

Have that job

Drive that car

Live in that place

Do those things

Based on what you think others’ think of you. 

Notice there I said what you think others think of you, which is your best guess, and might be completely wrong!

You might be in a place where you don’t even know who you are and what your life is about any more.

You’ve lost a sense of ‘me’, of what’s important to you.

You know your life isn’t really aligned with what you love and who you are, but you’re unsure how to move forward.

Don’t worry, you're not alone.

More and more I see people living lives that look great on social media, and even on paper in real life, yet they aren’t happy, aren’t fulfilled, aren’t motivated.


Because they don’t give two shinies about the stuff they’re doing. Spending time in law rather than being the rock-climbing instructor they always dreamed of. Spending time running on a treadmill to get fit rather than trying out that sport they were too nervous or embarrassed to have a go at.

I get it. It’s hard.

Before we crack the violins out and sign ourself a sob story however, realise there are many, many things we can do to turn this around.

So, to start with here’s some practical things you can do to start to point you back in the right direction, which have worked wonders for both me and my clients.

  1. Reflect and journal. 

Spend time thinking back to all of the things that you simply love doing, that make you feel alive, where hours pass by without noticing when you’re engaged in them. Write them down, and look at which ones are practical to start putting more of into your life.

  1. Wheel of Life

Grab some paper, and have a go at completing a ‘Wheel of Life’. Sounds bit like a gameshow, which it isn’t, but there are some great prizes on offer: Feeling less lost, gaining more clarity, understanding what’s important to you.

It’s fairly simple:

In each of these boxes, write in an area of your life that you either a) is important to you or b) you want to improve. What you put in these boxes are up to you, but some common ones are friends, family, career, finances, physical health, community, spirituality etc. Make it yours and nobody else's!

Next, rank each of these areas out of 10, with ‘1’ being the worst it’s ever been, and ‘10’ being you can’t imagine it being any better. Put a dot in the middle of the pie slice, and then join them all up. Here’s an example:

After this, create a little table, with these headings:

Write each of the areas in the first column. In the second column for each area, write what would make this area a 10 - what would the ideal situation look like in this area for your life? Write as many or as few points as you’d like.

In the final column, write 3 actions that you could take to move the needle just a little - from a 7 to an 8 out of 10, for example. This isn’t a hard-core goal setting session, just something to get you thinking about how you can start to orientate your life around things you care about.

And so there you go, the wheel of life. This isn’t about leaving your job (although it could  be); it’s about filling your days with something more than what you think is the socially acceptable thing to do. It’s about aligning your life with things you care about.

You owe it to yourself to live a life that you feel is your own; one you’re excited about and aligns with who you are.

If you are serious about finding your true self, of creating a life that’s aligned with what’s important to you and and who you truly are, then let’s chat: book an appointment in below, I’d love to see how I can help you 🙂


As a personal development and life coach, I help people feeling lost to rewrite the next chapter of their life that is filled with clarity confidence and peace.

If this is something you know could help you, I’d love to talk to you. Send me a Whatsapp message, or book a free call with me on the calendar below. I’d love to connect with you and help you however I can.

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